Six Months
Cancer took Bella from us six months ago.
Bella developed a lesion in the summer of 2020; we had it removed, the vet sent it in to a lab for testing, and that’s how we learned it was a basosquamous tumor.
The surgery bought us two and a half wonderful years.
I’ve been working on this site more sporadically than I had hoped. This fall marks the beginning of the 23-24 academic year, and like last fall, I’m teaching classes at Morrisville, Onondaga Community College, and Le Moyne College. It will be my 26th year of teaching, and my first without Bella since she came into our lives in 2014.
I had two classes at Morrisville this summer, giving me plenty of time to work on the site. Writing can be cathartic, but it requires reflection, and for much of the summer, it was simply too painful to reflect on Bella’s life.
This is not to say she didn’t bring us joy. In fact, it was quite the opposite; I tried to focus on the many years of happiness our gentle, playful, cuddly, goofy, loving Bella brought to us, but it always went back to the same thing: A house that felt, that still feels empty without her. I can’t help but to think of how much she would have enjoyed spending time with us, especially on the many cooler days we’ve had recently. I often picture her lounging in the open window near my chair in the office, and I lament that we missed out on a perfect chance to spend months together.
I was fortunate enough to have a long winter break between semesters. Though she was scratching at the tumor under her jaw, she was still vibrant, loving, and active until the latter part of January. I cherished those times, although they were darkened by the knowledge that at some point, she would take a turn for the worse, and she would probably decline quickly.
We will eventually bring a new cat into our lives, but I don’t know if I’m ready. My path to healing has been long. I can say that the pain has diminished since the weeks immediately following her death, but the sadness and depression continue to cloud my days which seldom pass without at least a round of tears.
We love you, Bella. Always.
