Four Months; on Grief
We lost Bella four months ago today. I think Traci is ready for a new cat, but while I know that a new pet can be an essential part of recovery, I don’t think I’m ready yet.
Bella’s death shattered me in a way I’ve never experienced, and my family had many pets: cats, dogs, horses, and other sundry creatures. Most lived to old age, but we lost more than out share to cars, gunshots, and disease. Some simply vanished. I was closer to some than others, but until Bitsy, whom we raised from a kitten after he was severely burned in a barn fire, none really hit me hard. His death at 13 made me aware of how much the loss of an animal friend can affect those left behind.
Angel’s death a decade later was even worse; she lived a long life, and while we did what we could to keep her alive as her kidneys failed, we finally succumbed to reality. She was the first pet Traci and I had together, so there was perhaps a stronger bond with her than there had been in a house of five humans and up to a dozen other pets. We were with her when she was euthanized, and her final moments still haunt me at times (I think it’s best to be with a pet when she’s euthanized, though I understand why some people drop their dogs and cats off at the vet’s office).
The loss of a pet can be as traumatic as that of a friend or family member; psychologists are finally delving into the nature of the relationships between humans and animals, and it’s safe to say that pets truly are family. I also think the nature of a pet’s death shapes our reaction and recovery. At nine and a half, Bella was by no means young when she died, but she was playful, friendly, loving, and seemingly healthy–until she wasn’t. The specter of her death haunted us weeks before she finally became ill, but though we knew we would lose her months before she died, we were in no way prepared to lose her. Her’s was the toughest loss of all.
That is my experience. I can’t say that this will be true for everyone, but I think it’s important to understand just how much the loss of a pet can affect us, and how important it is to mourn and heal over time.
