Cancer took Bella from us six months ago. Bella developed a lesion in the summer of 2020; we had it removed, the vet sent it in to a lab for testing, and that’s how we learned it was a basosquamous tumor. The surgery bought us two and a half wonderful years. I’ve been working on this site more sporadically than I had hoped. This fall marks the beginning of the 23-24 academic year, and like last fall, I’m teaching classes at Morrisville, Onondaga Community College, and Le Moyne College. It will be my 26th year of teaching, and my first without Bella since she came into our lives in 2014.…

Bella left us five months ago today. Though we can’t be entirely sure, we believe that Bella was born on July 14, 2013, making today her tenth birthday. We wish she could be here with us to celebrate it.

We lost Bella four months ago today. I think Traci is ready for a new cat, but while I know that a new pet can be an essential part of recovery, I don’t think I’m ready yet. Bella’s death shattered me in a way I’ve never experienced, and my family had many pets: cats, dogs, horses, and other sundry creatures. Most lived to old age, but we lost more than out share to cars, gunshots, and disease. Some simply vanished. I was closer to some than others, but until Bitsy, whom we raised from a kitten after he was severely burned in a barn fire, none really hit me hard.…

A decade ago, I began a lengthy reflection on a deeply moving event that affected me when I was an undergraduate in the 1980s. The act of writing if often therapeutic for me, and the massive website that resulted from that project not only gave focus to thoughts and emotions that had haunted me for a quarter of a century, but also gave me focus in the shadow of the loss of another pet: Angel, our fifteen-year-old calico, who died on October 17, 2013. It was with that project in mind when I started this site nearly four months ago on the day Bella died. But words gave me no…

Sunday marks three months since we lost Bella. I’m trying to recover by focusing on the many happy memories we have of her time with us, but it all seems to circle around to the fact that she isn’t here to make more. Nevertheless, tonight, I’d like to recollect on what happened precisely a year ago today (I’m benefitting from the time stamps on the photos rather than a stellar memory). Bella was a marathon snuggler, capable of being on or against you for hours at a time. But there were two things she wasn’t: clingy, and a lap cat. She preferred to sleep on feet, against a leg, or…

If February was the month of tragic lasts, March was the month of unpleasant firsts: The first month to start without Bella in our lives and home, the first 30 days without her, the start of the first spring with the emptiness wrought by her death. We visited an animal sanctuary on March 31 to visit with several cats. Each was sweet in her own way, but we left without a new companion. I held back my tears until the trip home. Traci could tell that I wasn’t ready. The pain seemed to diminish just a bit a few weeks after we lost Bella, but her death is hitting me…

We found the lump under Bella’s jaw on October 27, the day before she was scheduled to visit the vet for a follow up following dental surgery. We would lose her three and a half months later. I no longer fight back tears on campus or in stores, but they come in force every morning.  It’s been two weeks since she died, just over five weeks since she began to decline, and less than three months since December 8, when our worst fears were confirmed. Tomorrow marks another sad first: the beginning of the first month without her in our lives. We’re still recovering, but every day without her has…

It has been a week since we carried Bella, swaddled in blankets, to Traci’s car for the final time. Each night, each day marks a sad first. While the intensity of our grief has lessened slightly, we’re still trying to process the loss of our fluffy friend.

Bella took to it right away when we moved. It’s a shame she couldn’t be here longer. Today, Traci and I agreed that we’re really warming up to the house. But it’s hard for us to come home without Bella here. We went to see Cabaret at Le Moyne after a trip to Abbot’s Farm and the Antiques Exchange. Most of the trip followed the same route we took on Tuesday. I was choking back tears most of the day–even during intermission. We have Angel’s photo and urn on a shelf in the bedroom. The vet in Heidelberg sent us a casting of her paw prints; this morning, I wished…

This was to be the day of Bella’s euthanasia, but cancer doesn’t heed schedules. We lost Bella on Tuesday, Valentine’s Day, the date we had purposely chosen to avoid. The days leading up to her death consisted of lasts: last year, last month, last days, last hours. The trip from the vet’s office marked a transition to firsts. For the first time in nine years, Bella would no longer be a physical part of our lives. We will have to adjust to returning home to a house without her in it, cope with the passing days and weeks marked by her absence. Traci brought her home from the crematorium last…