We found the lump under Bella’s jaw on October 27, the day before she was scheduled to visit the vet for a follow up following dental surgery. We would lose her three and a half months later. I no longer fight back tears on campus or in stores, but they come in force every morning.  It’s been two weeks since she died, just over five weeks since she began to decline, and less than three months since December 8, when our worst fears were confirmed. Tomorrow marks another sad first: the beginning of the first month without her in our lives. We’re still recovering, but every day without her has…

It has been a week since we carried Bella, swaddled in blankets, to Traci’s car for the final time. Each night, each day marks a sad first. While the intensity of our grief has lessened slightly, we’re still trying to process the loss of our fluffy friend.

Bella took to it right away when we moved. It’s a shame she couldn’t be here longer. Today, Traci and I agreed that we’re really warming up to the house. But it’s hard for us to come home without Bella here. We went to see Cabaret at Le Moyne after a trip to Abbot’s Farm and the Antiques Exchange. Most of the trip followed the same route we took on Tuesday. I was choking back tears most of the day–even during intermission. We have Angel’s photo and urn on a shelf in the bedroom. The vet in Heidelberg sent us a casting of her paw prints; this morning, I wished…

This was to be the day of Bella’s euthanasia, but cancer doesn’t heed schedules. We lost Bella on Tuesday, Valentine’s Day, the date we had purposely chosen to avoid. The days leading up to her death consisted of lasts: last year, last month, last days, last hours. The trip from the vet’s office marked a transition to firsts. For the first time in nine years, Bella would no longer be a physical part of our lives. We will have to adjust to returning home to a house without her in it, cope with the passing days and weeks marked by her absence. Traci brought her home from the crematorium last…